duminică, 1 septembrie 2013

Feeling down on a sunny day

It's noon and I refused to leave the house. What for? Nothing matters in the end. If you lived or just walked through life wearing an invisible cape, hiding, sliding alone through dark streets.
It's actually pissing me off that summer is slowly coming to an end without having felt anything but the damn deadlines which I can't seem to be able to observe. I'm struggling with ten really nice pages for too long now.
I wish I could be the person I feel like being, outgoing, fun, but I can't and I don't even know if I am her. Doesn't matter. I'm almost thirty. It doesn't matter.
Monday - always the next day, week, year - I wanted to start new, to set things straight, to change, to ... fuck it all, I won't, I don't, who cares.
It's such a lovely day, the sun's so warm, the air cool. And it's quiet too, what a wonderful 1st of September.

And then again, like the humpty dumplty woman that I am, I think I could trick it all into coming out my way: a longer, self-made bathing suit, traveling by train, getting by and having fun, finding that job in Germany, somewhere by the river, not quitting that easy. Autumn's bucket list: - seaside - learn to machine sew - get a job and do all the small yet troubling things I've been dragging along for the last ... 3, 4 years.

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